look no pants
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize