Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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