I want to make a zoo with you.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I need moral support for this bender
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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