You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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