everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
