my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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