The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
