I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
