So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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