Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
