my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
