My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
