I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
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