I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
