ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just cropdusted the office
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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