forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
