I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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