I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
