grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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