He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
