I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
