so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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