Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
