I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I've blown a few things in my day
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
