I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
