I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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