dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
