her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
