I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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