So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
