I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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