Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
