If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
