Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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