Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
