I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
