You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
