Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
