omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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