VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
he thought i was a dude.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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