you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
