i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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