conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
