Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
