Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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