4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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