She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm experimenting with sincerity
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
