I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
