Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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