At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
