dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
