What a fucking waste of an outfit
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
