Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
