just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
