I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
